I don’t have a washer/dryer any more. Part of the trade-off of becoming a student again is that I have to schlep my dirty running clothes, blue jeans and unmentionables to one of the hot, stuffy, unlockable laundry rooms in my apartment complex.
Don’t worry – that whole “unlockable” detail comes in later.
I told myself that was a small price to pay for cheap rent and an apartment a 5-minute walk from class. But after recent events, I’m not so sure.
There’s a panty thief at large in my complex.
That’s right. The story – from a reliable source who heard it first hand – is that a girl in our complex was washing and drying a load of clothes in one of the laundry rooms. Like 99.9 percent of the human race, she didn’t want to sit and watch the clothes tumble, so she left the laundry and returned for it after the cycle ended. Ours is a relatively tucked away community of grad students. She naturally assumed her laundry would be safe.
If only that were true.
Our heroine returned to find that all her panties had been stolen. Not one or two pairs – ALL of them. And, perhaps most disturbing of all, nothing else was, well, disturbed. Someone took the time to open the dryer, pick through her laundry and remove all the panties.
(We’ll pause now for you to squeal in horror.)
Who on God’s green earth would want used women’s underwear?? Perhaps a man who likes to wear it? I truly can’t think of any sane, balanced person who would steal it.
Which is the scariest thing of all. Like I said, our community is tucked away. We don’t get a lot of foot traffic or any other kind of traffic really. Which means the thief probably lives among us.
(Pause for horrified squeal.)
The poor panty-less girl was asked to file a police report and the story has been circulating ever since. No leads as of yet. But if you know who’s behind the panty-napping, please come forward for the sake of all panty-wearing women.